| 20/1/21-Words of the day that I found interesting! Zealot: a fervent and even militant proponent of something. Paradigm: a usual example of something Jejune: lacking impact Bailiwick: a person's area of expertise Convivial: friendly Fracas: a disorderly disturbance or fight Gambit: an opening remark |
| 12/7/21-Here is something I should have done a long time ago, in addition to something that I should continue to do. Self love. Self love is something that I have never practiced, because I was too busy not appreciating myself. And dont let that come off as narcissistic, of course- for this is not to pump myself up. I hardly love myself, and this is a chance to. I have value in this world. Every breath I take is one I deserve. I do not have to justify every moment that I breathe. I am brave and I am talented. I can do great things, and I do them so well. And if I happen to do them poorly, I can learn what is wrong and make it all better for next time. I can recover from failure, for failure is a challenge, not a pitfall. Every win I make is worth celebrating, no matter how big or small. I have every chance in the world to become the greatest version of myself, and if I doubt myself, I just havent reached that perfection yet. But every stage of myself is perfection just the way it is. But that does not mean I do not grow- every step I make is a step forwards. I am worthy of good people in my life, success, and happiness. I am worthy of being me. I am worthy of being alive. I was Born to be Alive. I am grateful for my body, which lets me walk, talk, experience, and live. I am grateful for my mind, which lets me think great things and thoughts. I am thankful for my ability to always look to the future. I am thankful I am alive. I am thankful for my hands, which let me draw. I am thankful for my eyes, which let me see the good things that I am accomplishing. I am thankful for my ears, which allow me to hear the music of my success and of my challenges. I am thankful for me, for being me. I am thankful for being a human. I can forgive myself for my shortcomings. I can forgive myself for that tiny miniscule mistake that happened years ago that doesn't even matter. I can forgive myself for not always being the person I want to be. I can forgive myself for my misteps and mistakes. I can forgive myself for the poor decisions I sometimes make. I can forgive myself for all that I perceive about myself to be wrong or absurd. I can forgive myself for not being perfect. I can forgive myself for my ways and habits that annoy others. I can forgive myself for being human. But I love myself for being human. I love my mistakes, because I learn from them. I love my shortcomings, because they are a chance for growth. I love myself, even when I am not the person that I would like to be. I do not have to be perfect. I do not have to be happy all the time. I do not have to be the ideal human being. I do not have to ace every test. I do not have to live up to every expectation. I do not have to bow to anyone. I do not have to give more than I have. I am allowed my love for myself, I am allowed to keep to myself sometimes, I am allowed to have happiness. Sometimes this happiness may not come, or I may be punished for not being good enough, or forced to give more than I have reluctantly, but this is a realistic part of life. I cannot control everything. There are things that are fully unfair. There are things that are fully out of my control. There are things that arent controlled by anyone at all. I must keep this in mind. I must keep in mind that the past cannot be changed, and that I must embrace every decision that I have made, and either be proud of it or grow from it. And this is something that I am choosing to grow from. This low spot that I am feeling is merely temporary. My growth is powerful, and I will be able to grow from the state I am currently in. I will learn to love myself when there is nobody else around. I will learn to be truly happy in myself. I will learn to not require any love from anyone else to love myself. I will learn to be able to thrive, with or without a friend close by. I will learn to deal with my emotions without running to someone else to cry on. I will learn to become independent. I will learn to become strong. This does not mean that showing emotion is weak. This does not mean that hitting another rough spot is weak. This does not mean that reverting a little is weak. A strong life journey is not a straight line, and I must accept that things will happen sometimes. Things that I do not like will happen. Things that do not feel good will happen. Things that are out of my control will happen. But this is something that I will grow from. This is something that I will pass over to solidify my strength. If I fall, I will get up and try to do it all over again. Even if I feel like I am falling right now, as I am writing this, I am getting up. I will make the necessary steps to grow past this and improve my wellbeing. I will learn things that I wonder about. I will put this learning into action to better my life. I will remain positive yet realistic so a pitfall is not a stopping place. Because this pitfall is not a stopping place at all, it is a place where I can choose to turn or keep going on this miserable path. I am going to choose to turn, for that is in my control. I am choosing to live again in a happy world, a realistic world. A world that has both good and bad, but more good. Sometimes the bad will become a little worse, but that is okay. I am choosing to love myself. |
| 12/1/21-Here's a question. Why are we, as teenagers, expected to act like an adult all while often being treated like a child and that our emotions are nothing but hormones and being "moody"? Do not be mistaken, this is no rant, believe me. But its a question I have been asking myself and also my parents (in the safety of my own head of course!). This is a time where our brain is normally developing pathways for more complex emotions and thoughts beyond what we have been capable of having as a younger child. So, we feel more and differently and this may be new of course. If you weren't capable of feeling something before, then obviously this is going to be a trial and error experience when it comes to learning the ropes. We don't have the decades and decades of experience that you do in life. So things are going to be different. I am not calling us stupid or volatile, nor are we. Additionally, hormones are a part but not in the way you may think, thank you. It is true that floods of hormones can change your behavior but this isn't something we control or always know how to deal with. Finally, everyone is figuring out who you are and solidifying their personality and trying to obtain their future goals. While these factors may contribute to "moodiness", such a word shouldn't be an end-all-be-all. It shouldn't be used as dismissively as it is used, because there is always a reason for the way people act. Maybe that reason is hormones, but maybe that reason is something else more serious and more urgent. Maybe, you must learn to differentiate between "moodiness" and being unpleasant because one is sick, tired, stressed, depressed, or simply just in need of space. It is not as hard as it is made out to be. |
| 10/20/21-15 questions about me! 1. Whats your favorite way to spend a day off? My favorite way to spend the day off is to spend it relaxing in my room doing one of my many hobbies. It doesnt have to be extravagant or packed full of activities, just existing once in a while is really nice. 2. What type of music are you into? I really, really love disco and R&B right now. It is just so happy and makes me want to dance! Even though I have no idea how to dance. But the great thing about dancing is that you dont need to know how to dance to do it and have fun. Just boogie oogie oogie until you just cant boogie no more. 3. What was the best vacation you ever took and why? The best vacation I have ever took was to Costa Rica with my best friend and her family. It was really amazing because the location was amazing, the memories made there were incredible, the beach was absolutely perfect, and we even had a chef! 4. Wheres the next place on your travel bucket list and why? Someday, I really want to go to Europe. I always see so many beautiful pictures of places in Europe, and there are so many choices that I am not sure which one I would love to go to next. 5. What are your hobbies, and how did you get into them? I love drawing, playing video games, music, and coding. I have always been drawing pictures, whether that be fine arts or stupid cat and dragon adventures when I was little. I just stuck with this one for such a long time that I am where I am now! I play video games because it was my fascination with the internet growing up that made me look past flash games and onto actual video games. Music was something I was initially forced to do- that being playing the piano when I was in second grade. This is another thing I just happened to stick with all of these years. I got into coding because of my sister beginning her website. I saw this and was like "ooh, I want to do this too!" so here I am. 6. What was your favorite age growing up? I really enjoyed being in elementary school. I loved recess, warrior cats, minecraft, dragons, pokemon, and all of that good stuff. 7. What was the last thing you read? The last book I read (but am still reading) is Patron Saints of Nothing. 8. Would you say youre more of an extrovert or an introvert? I am certainly an extrovert! 9. Whats your favorite ice cream topping? Sprinkles, no contest. But only the rainbow ones are allowed. No chocolate ones. Yuck. 10. What was the last TV show you binge-watched? I dont really watch TV shows or movies, for whatever reason. 11. Are you into podcasts or do you only listen to music? I only listen to music, but sometimes I also listen to videos on Youtube in the background while I am doing other things! 12. Do you have a favorite holiday? Why or why not? My favorite holiday is Halloween. What is better than Halloween? Make a list. Thats right. Nothing is better than Halloween. You get to dress up, eat lots of candy and hang out with your friends. 13. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? If I could only eat one food for the rest of my life, I would eat salad. There is so much you can do with salad, and so many things you can put in and on it. It is the perfect thing to eat because it can also be very healthy for you. 14. Do you like going to the movies or prefer watching at home? I love going to the movies because of the POPCORN, but as far as theater perks, that is about it. I love getting on the couch with a warm blanket better. 15. Whats your favorite sleeping position? I am, and have always been, a side sleeper. It is just better that way. The only time I attempt a different sleeping position is when I am sick and cant breathe out of my nose, and that is not great at all. 16. Whats your go-to guilty pleasure? My guilty pleasure is Animal Jam. Its a game made for little kids and furries, of which I am neither, but I still really enjoy the game from time to time. 17. In the summer, would you rather go to the beach or go camping? I would rather go camping.... to the beach! :) My family has a tradition where we go to Northern California in Westport to camp on the beach. It is an amazing experience, and if you havent tried beach camping before, you are missing out!! Try it out the next time you get the chance. Although, I dont suggest it personally for hot, sunny beaches. Go for cool, misty and stormy beaches instead, you wont regret it. 18. What’s your favorite quote from a TV show/movie/book? I hope this counts, for it is a song, but "I am born to be alive." from Born to be Alive by Patrick Hernandez. 19. How old were you when you had your first celebrity crush, and who was it? I really dont understand people that get celebrity crushes. Talk about unrealistic expectations- these people are hardly even real anyways. 20. What's one thing that can instantly make your day better? Someone giving me a hug always makes my day better. I love being shown, not just led to believe that someone cares about me. It really makes all the difference. |
| 10/13/21-Why do I divulge all of my tiny personal details to this website? Good question. Well, to answer honestly, ISC is like a friend I can dump all of my issues onto without the real emotional impact of doing so. Sometimes when you are a friend, you need to support someone. But all of this supporting can be exhausting, and I wouldn't want to place that pain upon someone else. I wouldn't do that to someone- nobody deserves to carry my baggage for or with me. This is why I have a place like ISC. ISC, despite being completely insentient and coded by me, it feels like I am telling someone everything. While yes, I do have those that look at my site and drop in every once in a while, but ISC is not made particularly for an audience. It is made for me. It is a place, a safe haven on the web for me. Anyone who comes along to visit is welcome and appreciated, but it is in my own interest to build this place for me. One final plus of ISC is that you will never see my face even if you happen to learn every little detail on my life. I will never show my face on ISC because nobody on the web needs to see it! :) This creates a no judgement enviromnment for me to thrive in here. If you are reading, thank you! And bear with my battles through life. If you get invested, which, I don't know why you would, thank you too. |
| 7/23/21-What is independence? According to Google, independence is the state of being independent, or having full autonomy over one's life. For me, independence is something I have not achieved and greatly wish to. But not in the way you may think. While yes, independence could mean getting a job, a house, and moving out of my parent's place when I am an adult, this word means something much different for me. I greatly wish that I could gain independence of self, where I don't care what people have to say and that I don't require the company of other people to be happy. Things get to me far too easily, and I just wish I could be content in my thoughts and enjoy my own company. Loneliness shouldn't sap at my soul and silence shouldn't deafen me. Ignorant opinions shouldn't crush me, especially from someone whose opinion doesn't matter to me. I need to learn these skills. I'm sure some will come with growing more mature and older as time goes on, and some must be learned I presume. But this is very important to me. Maybe I just need some I Fail to Give a Fuck lessons, I'm not sure. Finding my confidence and becoming my true self has helped tremendously with all of this, but now I need these skills more than ever. I need to become independent if I wish to become whole. |
| 7/16/21-Here is a list of frequently asked questions about ISC.
Why is ISC even a thing? ISC exists merely because I want it to. It is a place where I am free to express myself and my thoughts without the fear of judgement that comes with social media. Why do you think this site is so special? Its ugly and you've only had it for a month! First of all, shut up, and second, it is special to me because it is something that I created myself. No matter how long I've had it- whether that be a month or a year, it is mine and that is what makes it special! Why do you have both blogs and Topic of the Day's? I have both of these things because I use them for different purposes. Blogs are more like a journal, while Topic of the Day is about one particular subject. What are secrets? Secrets are hidden pages in ISC. You can find them by exploring the site and clicking around. There are a bunch that you can find, and every one is different! These are just for a little bit of fun on the site. Will you tell me where all of the secrets are? Nope! Why do you post stories, poems, and dream journals here? ISC is a place where I am comfortable sharing them. You won't find me dead with Wattpad.... Should I read them? Yes you should. I worked very hard on them :) Why do you collect so much garbage? Its not garbage, and everything in my collections page is something I worked hard to find or build. Check it out, you may be pleasantly surprised. Should I sign the guestbook? Please do!! I love engagement to this site. It makes me very happy that people are seeing what I am creating. Feel free to leave me some feedback too! I appreciate whatever I can get. Who is Rook, and why is he running the News Station? Rook is one of my characters, and I picked him for my news anchor because I really didn't want to animate myself talking. And it works out just fine, don't you think? What the hell is the Lyric Wall all about? Songs I love. Simple. What is Stargazing? Stargazing is where I can just obsess over the things I love. Don't mind me :) Yes, it is supposed to be a pun. What about the Dream World? The Dream World is for recording my dreams and also for telling about weird occurences. But the weird occurences part is coming soon! What is Saturnscape? Saturnscape is a webring I created with my sister. You can read more about it on the Saturnscape tab. Can I join Saturnscape? Yep! Why not go outside? It's boring out there. Can I see your dog? Of course you can. |
| 7/12/21-Interstellar Cellar only came into existence one short month ago. Happy 1st month birthday, ISC! My first ever website was literally the ugliest thing I have ever made. It is called Rookporium, and you can actually find it through Saturnscape. (I might remove it sometime) I do not want to delete the site as it was where all of my code tinkering began. I originally started all of this because of my sister. She found Neocities and began making her own website, and I thought, 'Oooh, this looks cool, I should try this', and here I am. I now know a little bit of HTML and have a beautiful site that I adore. Even if its only been a month that I have had it, I really love having this place to express myself and make whatever I want. I might not be that good at coding either, but I am learning too! I love learning new things, and what little I know of HTML already has been a lot of fun. |
| 7/11/21- Picture it. Sugar littering the countertop... hands covered in dough and chocolate chips... all on a warm spring afternoon. Every ingredient I need is strewn about the countertop, used and through. All except one. As I am rolling the balls of dough to be baked into delicious cookies, I notice that the dough is oddly sticky and runny. Oh well, it must be the temperature in the room. But oh, was I wrong. I was fatally wrong, and this would be the last of me. The monstrosity of the cookies go into the oven to be baked. I watch with great anticipation, waiting for the fruit of my labors to manifest into melty, goey wonder. The minutes tick by, and the timer finally blares that it is time. Time to enjoy, to taste happiness itself! I open the oven and pull out a steaming sheet of heaven itself. Huh, those look a little bit strange. I take off one of the cookies and take a careful bite, and oh. It tastes foul. It is almost an ironic taste, odd to say the least in its texture also. I look around, lamenting over my ruined cookies. Oh, what could of caused such a thing to happen to me? Why me? Where did I go wrong? My cries were soon answered as my eyes wander to the unopened bag of flour on the counter. |
