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5/13/22-Welcome to Interstellar Cellar News Station. I am your host, Rook, here with all of the most important breaking news. Again, our apologies to you, the viewer, for our absence here at ISC News. Life has been busy for the compilers of news on our station, and we are returning soon in full force to bring you the most important news. Now, for today's story. Today is Friday! As the weather warms up, we here lament the death of wearing hoodies. Rest in peace, hoodies. Your time this season is almost done. Now for our next story. The AP test for English has been completed! Now longer legally bound, we can talk about it! Its not like anyone cared about the rule saying you shouldn't talk about the exam anyways, but since we are an organization, the legalities kind of matter. Not too much, but they sort of do. Anyways, the test was pretty successful. We here at ISC are feeling confident about the outcome. We won't find out for a long time what the score is, but that is alright. Now for our last story. Last night, Charli went to the dog park! She got very muddy and regrettably, she was supposed to come in as a guest speaker here on ISC News last night, but since she was too stinky and smelled too bad, she didn't show up. Well, maybe she can join us another time. Thank you for tuning into today's installment of ISC News!
4/22/22-Welcome to Interstellar Cellar News Station. I am your host, Rook, here with all of the most important breaking news. Today is Nick's birthday! Everyone wish him happy birthday by giving him large amounts of money. Nick says thank you. On to the next important news of the day. Today is Earth Day! Everyone should thank Mother Nature for her generous work and existence by going down to your local garden, park, or yard, grabbing a fistful of dirt, and eating it. Its delicious, try it. I swear you won't get any rare diseases. Mother Nature says thank you. Finally, our last story of the day. This morning, Charli was surprised and shaken when she decided to play with a balloon with her paws, and she broke it! It popped, and she barked and whined. She didn't quite understand that balloons are meant for a celebration, not for fear and intimidation. Thank you for tuning into today's installment of ISC News!
2/15/22-Welcome to Interstellar Cellar News Station. I am your host, Rook, here with all of the most important breaking news. Again, we apologize for the hiatus. Life has been busy. But we are returning for our semi-annual debut, of course! So hello again fellow websurfer. Welcome back to ISC News. We are glad to have you back! Now, for our first story of the day. Valentine's day was yesterday. It was fun to see people frantically scrambling in the supermarket for the last boquet of flowers. Buying ahead reduces stress, so why procrastinate? This message was sponsored by the anti-procrastination gang. Now, for our second story. Nick had two substitute teachers yesterday. It is no surprise to anyone that the American school system is in shambles. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. Luckily, I am a lion and do not require any schooling. Thank you for tuning into today's installment of ISC News!
1/13/22-Welcome to Interstellar Cellar News Station. I am your host, Rook, here with all of the most important breaking news. Our apologies for the long news hiatus, we know for sure that our audience has been huffing at their televisions at the absence of ISC News for around a month now. But we are excited to announce our return! Thank you for your continued support of the station. We wouldn't be able to do it without viewers like you. But anyways, enough with the sentiments, it is time for the long awaited news. As Christmas comes to a close and the new year comes, we here at ISC want to ask you- what are you going to do with a year? Could you imagine all the things that you could accomplish in a year? The possibilities are endless. Your time is your greatest asset- why not invest that asset in something that will benefit you greatly? You could improve your health, get your grades together, go on a self-finding journey (it doesn't need to be a soul searching hike in the mountains!!), or simply start small. What could you do with just today? Onto our next news story. Nick's house is going through construction. Therefore, he does not have easy access to his computer. But! He does have a laptop in which to bring all of you loyal viewers lots of great content. Construction is ending soon, so we will be back. Thank you for tuning into today's installment of ISC News!
11/2/21-Welcome to Interstellar Cellar News Station. I am your host, Rook, here with all of the most important breaking news. We are here to tell of an important new advancement. Currently, Nick is working on a new painting, with me in it! Stay tuned to see this exciting new arkwork. Next, we have another announcement for all of you back home. If you have not checked out the exciting site, also by Nick, 6 Sieverts, what are you doing? Get on over there and check it out! You can find a link to this site in the Links page. And finally, the weather has been so lovely in rainy. Who does not love the rain? It is, without a doubt, the best part of the fall season. So if you have not already, slap on your rain boots, zip up those rain coats, and treat yourself to the extraordinary experience of puddle jumping. Thank you for tuning into today's installment of ISC News!
10/28/21-Welcome to Interstellar Cellar News Station. I am your host, Rook, here with all of the most important breaking news. Today, we are proud to announce a brand new project here on ISC known as PROJECT VIPER!! This project is going to be a collection of pages, interactive elements, drawings, images, and many other things relating to a race of characters in my original character universe. I am going to be building an entirely new ISC realm for this project. Please stay tuned for updates and new things to view!! Also, I am going to be more active and experiment more with code. :) Thank you for tuning into today's installment of ISC News!
7/12/21-Welcome to Interstellar Cellar News Station. I am your host, Rook, here with all of the most important breaking news. Today, we are here with excellent news. Nick is applying for his first job. We can celebrate by Paypal'ing Nick large amounts of money. Once again, Nick says thank you. Next, we have a special guest here with a special educational segment. Everyone say hello to Nukafurbs. Nukafurbs comes bearing alarming news. There is currently a horrible event going on right now. There is a surplus of cheese! 1.4 billion pounds of it. The government buys up extra milk products to help support farmers in times of need, and shoves the surplus cheese into caves. Yes, caves! I couldn't imagine ever eating that much cheese. I am a lactose intolerant lion, after all. Thank you to Nukafurbs for contributing news for today. Thank you for tuning into today's installment of ISC News!
7/5/21-Welcome to Interstellar Cellar News Station. I am your host, Rook, here with all of the most important breaking news. A bit of a late news block, but its very important to know nonetheless. The land America is built on is stolen, and built off the backs of people stolen from their land. Keep this in mind when having your white people bbq and lighting off fireworks. The Constitution was only written with white, straight, wealthy men in mind. That is the state of our country. And it always has been. So, before you go to your bbq, light your fireworks and wear your US flag shirt- which might I add is a violation of the flag code- remember all of those who suffered and never got justice. Liberty and justice for all means nothing. Liberty and justice was only for those who destroyed others for generations and generations to get it. If you think that this is tarnishing some delusion of an American dream, I'll say this. American dream my ass. There is none. The American dream is nothing but a vision to keep people's heads down and working their dead end jobs. So, the call to action is this- educate yourself on what has happened in the past. It is revisionism to ignore it. Ignorance is bliss, but that bliss will be our ultimate downfall. Also, support those who have been harmed so greatly in the creation of this hellhole. Support black people, and Natives and their culture. Know that everyone has contributed to this. Even me, a green lion, has had fun at 4th of July parties and lit off fireworks thinking I'm a patriot. You can have your swim parties and eat your corn on the cob, but just remember. Thank you for tuning into today's installment of ISC News!
7/1/21-Welcome to Interstellar Cellar News Station. I am your host, Rook, here with all of the most important breaking news. Today, we have a rather serious story on our paws. As June, pride month, is coming to a close, we have to remind you that pride is a riot. Pride is a movement, not just a fun parade that you go to with all of your buddies and/or partners. Countless of our LGBTQIA+ elders died for the rights that you enjoy today. Do not forget those who gave their lives for the life you enjoy. Speak about them. SILENCE IS VIOLENCE!! And that we really mean. A movement is no movement if you are standing still. Do your part. Educate yourselves and others, be mindful of what companies you support, and keep pride going all year long. Now, onto the next story. As you might of saw, ISC has undergone some major changes. Go check out all of the new pages! Thank you, and please let us know what you think in the guestbook. Thank you for tuning into today's installment of ISC News!
6/30/21-Welcome to Interstellar Cellar News Station. I am your host, Rook, here with all of the most important breaking news. Today's headlining news is a story about the state of the world. How come the rich can get away with anything they please just by chucking large sums of money at an issue while people starve on the streets below? Beats me. It will take much to overcome these problems. I, a lion, am unfortunately unable to vote against anything like this. It is also unjust how only human citizens of the United States are able to vote. If votes didn't hold actually incredible power, then no filthy rich governor or some white old man that argues on the news for a living wouldn't be trying to restrict them. On a lighter note, Josie Bear the dog from California has the puppy sneezies. Luckily, she is going to go to the vet to find out what the deal is. Everyone keep Josie in your thoughts! We come in with a hot story regarding a man that apparently stole 460,000 pounds of pistacios from a warehouse. He will likely go down in history for becoming the world's stupidest criminal. Crime doesn't pay, and especially doesn't when you have an entire semi truck full of pistacios rotting in your little lair because people are aware of the FOUR HUNDRED SIXTY THOUSAND POUNDS of stolen pistacios. Good job. I got allergic to nuts just thinking about this story. Thank you for tuning into today's installment of ISC News!
6/19/21-Welcome to Interstellar Cellar News Station. I am your host, Rook, here with all of the most important breaking news. Today is a slow news day, so we will be having some special segments to fill you in on happenings around the world. For our first story today we have the experience of countless students in the US public school system. I am sure that stress and pressure are no stranger to every single person on this planet. Except for me, I am a talented schedule crafter and also a third degree blackbelt. Impressive for a lion, huh? Anyways, enough with the egotistical chatter. School is an extremely difficult and stressful thing that every single child in this country will experience in some form. But the expectation of public schools are so high, that not even a 4.0 will get you into many high level colleges. Luckily Nick did fine this year, but he developed anxiety induced tightness in his throat that happened all the time. Something as crucial to society as education should never put people's health into risk or danger. A bit of pressure is a good thing, but there is a line. The improvement of the public school system would be extremely beneficial to many, many people in this country. It is up to the lawmakers of this country to change what has been so broken. Onto the next story. Tomorrow is Father's day. As a lion, my father is too busy with his pride to visit me or pay me mind, but I can say happy Father's day to any humans out there with a father! Fathers are crucial to shaping us as both lions and humans. They deserve some extra love tomorrow. And if you have two moms, that's fine too. Just make it a second Mother's day. Now, onto the last story for today. Today Nick saw a very awful mullet. It was not even the good kind of mullet, but the kind that is slathered in pomade and probably smells like body odor, hay, and energy drinks. I would not lay a paw near that guy, I will say that. Thank you for tuning into today's installment of ISC News!
6/17/21-Welcome to Interstellar Cellar News Station. I am your host, Rook, here with all of the most important breaking news. Today's top story is one that bring us great distress here in ISC. Even as quite a portion of our human population get the vaccine and push for herd immunity, anti-maskers rejoice as mask mandates are lifted across our sunny state of California. Now all of the Karens have an excuse not to wear their masks. Great. Exactly what we need- more people being unsafe and reckless. Good thing I am a lion, for I cannot get covid. But if you have your full vaccine and choose to take off your mask in a store, we at ISC will not bash you for doing so. You earned it, not the Karens. Onto the next story. Today, we are overjoyed to announce that Charli the dog from California was sticking her nose into the pool and blowing bubbles like a silly little stinky Charli silly baby. We would show a video of her doing so, but unfortunately we do not have the same budget as big news stations with their massive TVs. But she was very cute regardless. Now, onto our final story for today. Yesterday evening in the mail, we here at ISC recieved a mystery package from Amazon containing protein powder and individually wrapped mini tape measures. I personally believe this is a targeted attack, for I am not a fat lion at all! I am lean and very much green. The fatphobia in this society is ridiculous. Can big cats just exist and be happy in our bodies in peace? No beauty standards for me. I am a big cat with a green mane and I am beautiful the way I am. Thank you for tuning into today's installment of ISC News!
6/15/21-Welcome to Interstellar Cellar News Station. I am your host, Rook, here with all of the most important breaking news. Yesterday, we failed to celebrate Trans Masc Day. But today, we will celebrate it instead! Contact Nick and he will give you his paypal address so you can deposit large sums of money into his account. Nick says thank you. Next, cats all around the world can rejoice, as Emma from California has discovered a critical new sleeping spot, perfect for any nap or veg day. If you hop up onto the fridge, it provides a cozy warm sleeping experience perfect for you. Next, we are proud to be sponsored by Omega Mart, where you have no idea what is in store for you. Their collector's edition Sliced Meats are currently on sale. Complete your collection today. Breaking news. Nick drank all of the lemonade. There is none left. Nick and his family are devistated by this horrible tragedy, and are still perservering through the first few stages of mourning. Be a good community and go send them love. Thank you for tuning into today's installment of ISC News!
6/14/21-Welcome to Interstellar Cellar News Station. I am your host, Rook, here with all of the most important breaking news. Today, Nick comes from California with heart wrenching news. His cat, Emma, bit him while he was feeding her. The ferocious beast left him with a small yet disfiguring bite on his leg. But the victim is reportedly okay. Onto the next story. Gas prices are on the rise here. How am I supposed to drive to the store and buy Chips Ahoy and Pink Drinks now?? Things will definitely go to hell if I can't get my Chips Ahoy and Pink Drinks. Next story. Billionaires are ruining this planet at a rate that an everyday person could never solve with their reuseable toothbrushes and plastic free lifestyle. It takes the cooperation of the 1% to save this planet, remember that. Thank you for tuning into today's installment of ISC News!